Correspondence
by klipdoctor
Summary: It is late in 2034 and Charles James receives a letter from beyond the grave. It sheds some light on the heartbreaking events of 20 years ago and gives him a reason to hope again. But is it too late? This is very different to any of my other fics. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1: The Confession

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

**Author's notes at the end.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: The Confession<strong>

_21__st__ September 2034_

_My Dearest Charles,_

_I wanted to send you this letter from beyond the grave, as it were, to apologise for something that has been very much the elephant in the room in our relationship over the past 20 years. I'm sure that, during your time in the Army, you must have written enough of these letters yourself, and for one awful period in early-2014 I thought that there was a good possibility that yours may be delivered. I didn't know about these letters at that time, but subsequently found out from watching a TV drama series. I think that it is a good thing the Army encourages you to do and, in the absence of the ability to say goodbye to a loved one, to hear that they cared for you is an important thing._

_It is a terrible thing when you do the wrong thing, but for the right reasons. Please understand that as your mother I have always tried to do my best for you. You should know that your father was very much against the course of action I took. He felt, and still feels, that people only learn by making mistakes and that we must let them make mistakes to grow as people. Given what has passed since then, I wish that I had listened to his advice. I only acted the way I did because I love you. I had seen how much you were hurt by what happened with Rebecca and I wanted to avoid a repeat of that. Little did I know that by acting as I did that I would cause you hurt for the rest of your life. If I could go back and change any one thing that I have done in my life, it would be that conversation with Molly._

_It is interesting that I talked about that period in 2014 when you were injured, because of course that was when we met Molly for the first time. At that point when you first introduced her to us as your girlfriend I thought that it was just a momentary infatuation caused by hero worship associated with her saving your life. I didn't understand until you explained it many years later that you had already developed a fledgling relationship before she saved your life._

_It will be no surprise to you that I didn't like Molly. She was young and outspoken and clearly socially inferior. None of these things seemed to matter to you and you were certain that she was intelligent enough, even though she had no qualifications, to improve socially and be comfortable in our social sphere. But I had seen things like this before and I knew there was only an infinitesimal chance that she could possibly transcend her upbringing and be comfortable with our way of life. In addition to that she was 8 years younger than you and, while you didn't see that that was an issue, I knew it could be._

_She went off on her second tour and I thought you would find someone else while she was away. But you didn't, and you waited for her and then, after she returned you were talking about moving to Aldershot to live with her. I knew then that I had to act to make sure that you didn't make another relationship mistake._

_I have always told you that I don't know why Molly left early that weekend when you, Sam and your father went to the rugby. Of course, I do, and I think you do too. It was because of me. _

_While you were out I sat Molly down and had a free and frank discussion with her about the future and about how your future would be better without her in it. I explained to her how she would always be a social leper in our group of friends and that, with no qualifications and no grounding in history or literature, she would find it difficult to interact. I explained how women in higher social classes were expected to be demure and respectful and I explained why I would never like her and why Jim didn't like her and why Sam was rapidly going off her (those last two were lies). I explained that she would pull you down. She got it. Maybe you were right after all about her being intelligent. And so she left._

_You were upset when you got back, and more upset when she broke up with you, but I was content because even though I knew you were in momentary pain, I knew it was for the best._

_But it hasn't been for the best has it? I know that Molly must have told you that I spoke to her, although obviously not the horrific details of the conversation, because even though you were angry with me, you never hated me the way you would have if she had told you the whole truth. I have to conclude that Molly loved you enough to know that you still needed your family when she had gone. Proving again that she was a better woman than me._

_I expected you to pick yourself up, as you did after Rebecca, and go back out into the world. And I expected that, over time, you would forgive me. But you never did either. It broke my heart to see you drift as you did. Your father urged me to tell you what I had done so that you had a chance to fix it, but I didn't have the guts. We still had a relationship, even if it was strained, but I knew that if you found out the gory details of what I had done you would cut me out of your life entirely and I couldn't stand to lose you, my only child. _

_Because it became very clear that I had acted stupidly and didn't know the full situation. That you had feelings for Molly beyond hero worship. That you loved her. That she was your soulmate. That became very clear over the months and years that followed as you desperately tried to pick yourself up. You had lost everything that mattered in your life. Your injury made you give up the Army and I made you give up Molly. You went through the motions for Sam. You got yourself that job as a mortgage broker to pay the bills and obviously it was flexible so that you could spend more time with Sam, and I know he appreciated it. But it wasn't you. The idea of you with a desk job was just anathema to me._

_Luckily Veterans Aid came along after seven years and you got involved with that and, for the first time in a long time, you had something that interested you. I saw signs of the real you coming out for the first time in ages. When you mixed with the other veterans I saw you the way you were in the Army, and you were making a difference. I knew it was only a matter of time until you quit your job and went full time for the charity. For a while it was great. I thought you would push on and re-start your life, but it was like you felt no push to re-start your life. You never really dated again and you got so involved in the work – it's all you do now. I know you take time off every week to spend time with Sam and his kids and you see your father for coffee regularly but you never do anything else Charles, and it's not healthy._

_It's 20 years now Charles, since I had that fateful conversation with Molly. You have been to see me at the Hospice as I fade away, and you make all the right noises. But I know you still blame me for breaking you and Molly up. And maybe you hate me as well. But please know Charles, you do not hate me nearly as much as I hate myself. I think even your father hates me to some extent for what I did. He has been a rock over the course of our marriage, but he has been noticeably cooler to me over the past few years as your pain has been more and more obvious._

_Sorry doesn't cover what I did. And it never could. As I die and go on what your favourite character, Professor Dumbledore, would call the __**next great adventure**__, I know that I leave unfinished business in this life. In this letter I wanted to explain that I did what I did out of love. And also, because I think you do, that you shouldn't blame Molly for what happened. She wanted to fight for you, and I think she would have, if I hadn't been quite so nasty to her. The more I think about it (and I have thought about it a lot) I see that Molly had quite big insecurities of her own, and I don't think that she was totally well after the two tours of Afghanistan either. I think if she had been well, and perhaps a bit more confident, then she would have fought for you Charles._

_I have tried to search for Molly Dawes over the past few months to see if I could undo the damage I caused, but I haven't found anything of her at all. I sent a request in to the Army but they said that since I wasn't related to her they couldn't give me any information. You may be in a better position than me if you want to find her. I urge you to do so Charles. You are only 48 Charles, and Molly would still be in her early-40s. It's not too late for you to have something, even a friendship._

_I don't want to end this letter Charles. Knowing that once you have read it, you will hate me. Knowing that the last thing I left in the world you will probably screw up and toss away. But that's the bed I made all those years ago and now I must sleep in it._

_It is a terrible thing for a mother to say to her son, but I'm sorry I ruined your life. And if you ever see Molly again, please tell her that I'm sorry for what I said, and I'm sorry I ruined her life too._

_With all my love and hopes,_

_Mum x_

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><p><strong>AN 1 So this is totally different to all my other fics. A bit of an experiment really. Grateful for any views/reviews.**

**A/N 2 Fair warning up front – this is going to be a somewhat emotional story. If you don't like that sort of fic, you might want to give this a miss.**

**A/N 3 The characters in this will be quite different to my other OG fanfics, as you can no doubt tell.**


	2. Chapter 2: The Search

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: The Search<strong>

_15__th__ October 2034_

_Dear Mr James,_

_Thank you for your letter to the Army Records Department. I understand your circumstances but I am afraid that I am unable to release any information on your former comrade Molly Dawes, due to data protection laws._

_I wish you luck with your search._

_Yours sincerely_

_Gillian Smith (Ms)_

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><p><em>E-mail, 23<em>_rd__ December 2034_

_Hi Dad,_

_Have been back and forward with Army Records after your spat with them but unfortunately haven't got anywhere. Both Helen and I have run copious internet searches on Molly Dawes but we can't find anything. I have done a search on Dawes in East London and we came back with something like 100,000 hits. We are looking through slowly but haven't found anything of interest yet. Do you have any old Army friends or former colleagues that you could ask? I think that is likely to be our best chance now._

_On another note, we are looking forward to having you and Grandad for lunch on Boxing Day. It will be great to have you both together. It has been too long since we all got together at Christmas as a family. We have some news to tell you as well!_

_Looking forward to seeing you_

_Sam_

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><p><em>14<em>_th__ March 2035_

_Dear Charles,_

_To say that it was a surprise to get your letter would be the understatement of the century!_

_I am sorry that the intervening years have been tough for you, just as I was sorry that you chose to leave the Army. You were an outstanding officer Charles and it is always a shame to see someone like that leave. I'm sorry that, for one reason or another, civilian life did not treat you well. However, I was pleased to hear that you have got involved with a Veterans charity. When I asked around some of my Army friends they all had good things to say about it and they were surprised when I told them that you were in charge. They all sent their best wishes._

_It has been an interesting 20 years. I stayed with the Under Fives until they were disbanded (defence cuts, as I'm sure you know) and then took a posting on staff at 11__th__ Infantry Brigade, before getting being promoted to Lieutenant Colonel and getting a battalion command with 3__rd__ Battalion, The Rifles. That was the best period of my career, and I was sorry to give it up when I got promoted. I spent a fair amount of time on staff at the MOD and, after that, was lucky enough to get promoted to Brigadier. I stayed in for a few more years but I didn't like the way that the Army was going, so I left last year. I have been doing some consultancy work for the MOD, which is significantly more lucrative than being a soldier, if you know what I mean!_

_Thanks for asking about Jean and the boys. We are still happily married and live just outside London. Our eldest son Mark is an investment banker, while Fred is a Lieutenant and on his first overseas deployment with the Royal Army Medical Corps. I couldn't be prouder of both of them._

_Now, onto business Charles. You were right that Private Dawes came back to the Army after you told me you split up, and I vaguely remember her going to 4__th__ Armoured Medical Regiment. I know that Kinders kept track of her, as did some of the other boys in your platoon. I vaguely remember him telling me that she was promoted to Lance Corporal. I know she served in West Africa, and also in Iraq (the third time, when we were there as "advisors"), but after that I lost track of her. I'm not in touch with any of the guys from your old platoon, but there is a reunion for the old Under Fives on 3__rd__ July and maybe if you come along to that, you might be able to catch up with some of them. I will be going, and for purely selfish reasons, it would be great to see you again Charles. I have enclosed details of the event._

_Wishing you the best of luck with your search, and hoping to see you in July._

_Yours sincerely_

_Roger Beck_

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><p><em>7<em>_th__ July 2035_

_Dear Charles,_

_Well, it still feels strange to call you that, even after all these years. It was great to see you at the Under Fives get together and find out what you have been up to for all these years. I was sorry to hear that you have had some hard times, but pleased to hear that your starting to weather it now._

_I was surprised to hear that your the Head of Veterans Aid. Several of my friends have been helped by that charity so many thanks for that. I will be certain to talk to my Boss about fundraising, as we discussed._

_Also, as we discussed I have sent through a letter to Brains asking whether he has any contact information for Molly, or if not can get hold of Dangles who I'm almost sure is in touch with her. Brains is on deployment – amazing to think that he is Major Addy now. I still remember him as that wet behind the ears machine gunner with too much to say for himself! As we talked about Dangles left the Army but I think is in private security and he lives in one of the Gulf countries._

_I will let you know as soon as I have anything._

_Please keep in touch Bossman. The boys and I were all happy to see you and have missed you. We've been hoping to organise a platoon get together for a while and it would be great if you could make it. You were the best CO I ever served with and I know the boys feel the same way._

_All the best_

_Derek Kinders_

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><p><em>E-mail, 31<em>_st__ July 2035_

_Bossman (Charles),_

_Well, it was a bit of a surprise to get the letter from Kinders, I'll tell you! Me and the boys had been on jungle training and just got back in after a three week combined exercise._

_I've a bunch of stuff to be getting on with but just wanted to send you a quick e-mail to say I got Derek's letter and I'm going to drop a line to Dangles, who may still be in touch with Molly._

_In the mean time, here's what I know. I kept in touch with Molly for a while (we were good mates as you know) but lost touch about 15 years ago._

_Major Beck is right that she went to 4__th__ Armoured Medical. She was highly rated after the MC and rose to Lance Corporal and then Corporal in good time and after that little clusterfuck with the Sierra Leone floods they encouraged her to look at officer training. Anyway, you know Molly – very little confidence – so she turned it down. Something happened in her personal life round about then and she went quite strange and stopped returning e-mails. I saw her one more time about 5 years later. It was just random, I bumped into her in the street in London, near Piccadilly Circus it was. She seemed well. We had a good chat and exchanged contact details, but after we parted I never heard from her again._

_Sorry not to have more information but I'll ask around and if I hear anything I'll get back to you._

_Take care of yourself_

_Major Sean Addy (Brains)_

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><p><em>E-mail, 5<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dad,_

_Some excitement here. I had a response to the advert I have been running in the papers in East London. Someone called Bella Evans got in touch and says that her maiden name was Dawes and she has a sister called Molly. I am meeting her for a drink tomorrow and will let you know how it goes._

_All my love and hopeful for some good news,_

_Sam_

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><p><strong>AN I'm intending this to be a 5-6 chapter story. I wouldn't normally update so quickly but hopefully this puts some people out of their misery! All spelling and grammar errors intended! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3: The Discovery

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: The Discovery<strong>

_E-mail, 6__th__ August 2035_

_Bossman,_

_I just picked up Brains's e-mail. I'm on the job at the moment so can't write too much but I am in touch with Molly. Given what she's told me in the past I'm not sure about passing on her contact details but I will speak to her to check if it's OK and get back to you._

_Sorry to hear that you have had a bad time. I will certainly do my best for you as you were the best officer I ever served under._

_Paul (Dangles)_

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><p><em>E-mail, 6<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dad,_

_Just on the way back from my meeting with Bella. She is who we hoped she was. _

_We talked a little bit about the situation. She was initially angry and wanted to give you a piece of her mind but when I told her the situation from your side she burst into tears. She told me that it took Molly a long time to get over you and she isn't sure that Molly ever got over you in fact. Like you she went on with her life and did the best she could. She told me that Molly re-trained as a doctor (on an Army scholarship) and has been working in the A&E department at a hospital in Romford for nearly 10 years. She lives near there as well which is why we couldn't find her in the East End._

_She was wary about telling me any more and said that she'd have to ask Molly. I'm really hopeful Dad. We exchanged e-mail addresses and she told me I can send her an e-mail to forward to Molly and she told me she will call me by the end of next week or we'll talk sooner if there is any news._

_Here's hoping,_

_Sam_

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><p><em>E-mail, 6<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Mols,_

_Your never gonna believe who I just had coffee with! Sam James - Charles James's son! He had an ad in the local paper asking for anyone who knew Molly dawes so I thought I'd ave a look. It's not what you thought with Charles. Sam is gonna send me an e-mail to forward to you. Please read it – it sounds really genuine, he sounds really genuine. Charles had a letter from his mum about a year ago (the bitch is dead now) which told him what she did and apparently hes spent the last year trying to track you down. Anyway I'll forward the e-mail when I get it. Please read it Mols – it could give you the closure you need._

_Bels_

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><p><em>E-mail, 6<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dear Molly,_

_Bella has agreed to forward on my e-mail to you, and I hope you can bring yourself to read it. My name is Sam James. I'm sure that that's a name you haven't heard or thought of in a very long time, and I'm sure you felt you had a good reason for that. Maybe it's a name you never wanted to hear again and, knowing what I know now, I can understand that, but please hear me out as I truly believe that a life could depend on it. _

_I am writing to you on behalf of my father, Charles. Almost a year ago now, my grandmother died and she left my father a letter. In the letter she explained what she did and what she said to you that made you decide to leave my father. To put it bluntly, he was distraught, and he has spent most of the last year trying to find you._

_To say that my father was distraught after reading the letter is something of a misnomer. To put it bluntly my father had never recovered from splitting up with you. He drifted through life for many years, only pulling himself together enough to support me in my childhood. He had a job as a mortgage broker, but outside his work he was listless and unmotivated; a far cry from the man he was when you knew him, I'm sure. About 13 years ago he started working with a charity called Veterans Aid. I'm sure you have heard of it, being a veteran yourself. For the first time in a long time he had an aim and something that made him feel valued. It didn't take him long to give up his broker job and join the charity full time and in only a matter of years he became chief executive. Now he devotes his life to helping veterans. They run a number of residential homes and centres to help Armed Forces and Emergency Services veterans._

_But to say that my father devotes his life to the charity is totally true. He does nothing else apart from eat, and sometimes sleep. He has never dated since he split up from you. He has no interests or friends except the charity. We have this conversation often and he says that there is no point in dating anyone since they will not be you. Sometimes when he is drunk (which happily occurs less often than before he went to work for the charity) he says that he hopes you will be proud of the fact that he found something to do helping people. Often he says that that (and me and my family) are the only reason he goes on living._

_It is the greatest regret in my father's life that he didn't fight harder to keep you. I firmly believe that if he had been fully fit and not so affected by what happened to you, him and to Smurf on that last tour, then he would have, my grandmother be damned._

_My grandmother confessed to lying to you about how I and my grandfather felt about you. The truth is that both of us really liked you; it was only her who had a problem with you. _

_I know that no-one in the James family has any right to ask you for anything, particularly bearing in mind how you were treated, but please would you consider getting back in touch with my father. If you think it might be too stressful all in one go I would be happy to broker a reunion, or we could work through Bella if she would be prepared to be a go between. My father would take any contact with you – really just to know you are alright and forgive him for what happened would be enough although obviously he would wish for more. For all I know you could be happily married and surrounded by a loving family and if that is the case I will be delighted for you, but if you could spare even a few words for my father it would make a world of difference to him._

_I will leave you to it Molly. Bella knows how to get in contact with me should you wish to. Thank you for reading and all the best,_

_Sam James_

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><p><em>E-mail, 7<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Mols,_

_You're not gonna believe this but yesterday I got an e-mail from Brains, telling me that he has had contact with Captain James through Derek Kinders. Apparently the Bossman turned up at the Under Fives reunion do and was asking after you._

_Brains told me that Kinders said that the years have not been kind to the Boss and that he is thin as a scarecrow and pretty grey and he rarely smiles. I did the maths and he is only 49. The Boss had told Kinders that something really bad happened between you instigated by his mother and he only found out about it last year. He wants to make it up to you but needs to find you._

_I dropped him an e-mail and told him that I was in contact with you but needed your permission to give him more info. Do you want me to fill him in or will you take it from here?_

_I'm just finishing up a job which will take another few weeks and then Dawn and I will be coming over to the UK to spend some time with you. Hang in there._

_Dangles_

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><p><strong>AN So, contact has been made (nearly). But is it as easy as it looks? Where will they go from here? What has Molly been doing for the last 20 years? All will be revealed soon… Please R&R. **


	4. Chapter 4: The Revelation part 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: The Revelation <strong>

_E-mail, 9__th__ August 2035_

_Dangles,_

_How many times have I told you? You don't have to come!_

_Interestingly, I also had contact from them through my sister Bella as well. I'm trying to think what to do. It seems a bit cruel to see him again and promptly peg it on him, however much I may want to see him. Leave it with me for a while to decide what to do._

_Take care and don't get yourself blown up cos I'm not there to put you back together!_

_Mols_

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><p><em>E-mail, 10<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dawesy,_

_If you think I'm gonna leave you to go through that on your own and Robbie to deal with it by himself you need a brain transplant! We'll be there soon._

_Dangles_

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><p><em>E-mail, 10<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dangles,_

_We're not on our own. We've got family and we've got a few friends. But thanks for being a great friend even if you are a cockwomble._

_M_

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><p><em>E-mail, 12<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Mum,_

_I've been thinking about our conversation last night and I think you should make contact with Charles James. Aunt Bella is right – it's the only way you're going to get closure. Not just for you, but for him as well. And while I've always known that you love(d) him, it now seems that he never stopped loving you – it's only fair to let him know, don't you think?_

_I know that you probably don't want to drop everything on him at once, so why don't I make contact with his son Sam? I know you don't want me to have to take on this responsibility but I am nearly 18 years old, and I __**am**__ best placed to deal with this bearing in mind that you cannot. Also, bearing in mind how things are, I think I need to learn to start standing on my own two feet, don't you think?_

_I can talk with Sam and we can decide how to explain the situation to Charles._

_Rob/xxx_

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><p><em>E-mail, 12<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Robbie,_

_Didn't sleep too much last night after our conversation and pretty weak and watery today. They gave me a transfusion which made me feel a lot better. I've thought about things a lot and, though I'm not happy about you taking on this responsibility, I am selfish enough that I would like to see him again and have the opportunity to say goodbye._

_I was really gutted when I found out that he has basically never got over me. It is sad that neither one of us fought for each other as then things could have been so different, but we both had had such a difficult time. I am not too upset though since if I hadn't split with him I would never have had you and you are the single most important and brilliant thing in my life. But it would have been nice to have had him in my life as well and now there is so little time._

_Speak to Sam James and see what you can come up with, and if you think it's a goer I will write an e-mail for Sam._

_Thank you for doing this my love,_

_Mum/xxx _

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><p><em>E-mail, 12<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dear Mr James (Sam),_

_We have never spoken before but my Aunt Bella gave me your e-mail address. My name is Robert Charles Francis and Molly Francis (Molly Dawes as she used to be) is my mother. _

_My mother always told me that she named me after the two most important men in her life and to have a chance to meet one of them is really exciting. As you can probably tell, the other one was my father, Robert Francis, but unfortunately I have never met him since he died in a car crash two months after marrying my mother and before I was even born._

_My mother has shared with me the contents of your e-mail and Aunt Bella has told me about your meeting. My mother was very sorry to hear that your father never got over their relationship. As you can tell from my name the same is true to some extent for my mother although the need to support me and bring me up has meant that she has had to engage much more with life._

_I'm sure after all this time your father is keen to have some news, so here goes with a potted history of my mother's life._

_After the break-up of hers and your father's relationship my mother remained in the Army for many years. She said it was the only thing that got her through life in the early years. She was able to throw herself into her job and, as a result, rose rapidly through the ranks. _

_When she was posted to Sierra Leone for the floods she met my father who was an aid worker. One thing led to another and I was conceived. My father was a good man (my mother's description) and insisted on marrying my mother once he found out she was pregnant when they both returned. She didn't love him but she liked him and respected him and with your father out of her life she decided that she was unlikely to get a better offer, and they married in March 2018. Unfortunately he was hit by a drunk driver and killed less than two months later. _

_At my father's urging my mother had already applied for an Army scholarship to go to medical school and this was granted after his death. Thinking that it was what my father (and your father) would have wanted, she decided to take up the place and spent five years at Barts and the Royal London Medical School training to be a doctor. The location of the university enabled her to live with my grandmother, so that I was taken care of when she was at lectures or practicals._

_After medical school my mother decided not to go back to the regular Army so she dropped to the reserves and took a job in A&E, since she believed that this was where her best talents lay. She is now a senior A&E consultant at a hospital in Essex._

_Mr James, while my mother is keen to get back in touch with your father there are things that need to be discussed and communicated. I wonder if it would be possible to meet you for a coffee to discuss them? My Aunt Bella has agreed to come with me and we could use the same coffee shop you met in last time. If this works for you, perhaps you could drop Bella and me a line?_

_Regards_

_Rob Francis_

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><p><em>E-mail, 12<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dear Rob,_

_Thank you SO MUCH for getting back to me. I was delighted to receive your e-mail and to find out about Molly. I live in Berkshire so could easily make a meeting whenever you are free. How does Wednesday at 6pm work for you?_

_Look forward to hearing from you._

_Sam_

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><p><em>E-mail, 13<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Sam,_

_I have been thinking about our conversation all night. I can't thank you enough for all you and Helen have done to help me find Molly. You truly are the best son and daughter-in-law a man could wish for and I am very lucky to have you. Not too many sons would put up with their fathers mooning around over a lost love for 20 years!_

_I was so happy to hear that Molly went to medical school and became a doctor. I always saw enormous potential in her and if us breaking up and her meeting Robert Francis was what it needed for her to have the confidence to do that then maybe it wasn't so bad, although I believe that if we had stayed together I would still have been able to encourage her. I was terribly sorry to hear that her husband died, and in such terrible circumstances, while she was pregnant, but it sounds like she has a very close relationship with her son about which I am really pleased for her._

_I hope that your meeting with Rob on Wednesday goes well. The fact that I may be within touching distance of seeing Molly again has galvanised me. I haven't felt this alive for years._

_Here's hoping,_

_Dad_

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><p><em>E-mail, 15<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Mum,_

_Just on my way back from meeting Sam James. The meeting went well and I think Aunt Bella is right. He is genuine, and from the sounds of things so is his father. I liked him, and he seemed to care about you._

_To say that he was gutted when I told him about your condition would be a rank understatement. It was like I'd wiped his face. It went from smiling and excited to heartbroken in a second. _

_I'm glad you weren't there. We went through all the usual questions – What treatment has she had? Isn't there anything else to be done? Etc etc I had to tell him that unless we find a bone marrow donor there's nothing. And it isn't like we haven't turned the world upside down trying to find a bone marrow donor over the past four years._

_He dealt with his shock quickly though and he told me that he was pretty sure his father would still want to come and see you. He asked me if that was OK, or if I wanted to meet him first. I said I would like to meet him first if that was OK. But I think it's getting closer._

_I'll be in to see you tomorrow._

_Love_

_Rob/xxx_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 15th August 2035<em>

_Dangles,_

_I'm heading home, back to the kids and I've never wanted to hug them so much. Mols told me you're coming over with Dawn to be with her next week._

_Mate, you need to brace yourself. She's being brave (of course she is, this is Molly after all) but she looks so much worse than the last time I saw her and that's only two months ago. She's still got a mouth on her like a pissed off rattlesnake and her brain is still totally there (unless you get her when she's tired) so be careful what you say. But she just looks awful. She is thin, she has no hair and her skin looks like parchment and she has these red marks all over her._

_I've seen lots of horrible things (most of them in Afghanistan) and I know you have as well, but it's nothing like seeing one of your best mates fading away before your eyes. Fair warning so you and Dawn can prepare yourselves. _

_She is really excited about seeing Charles again. I hope he comes. I'm sure he will. From what I remember he is a good man. Hopefully it should provide both of them with some closure. _

_Take care, and drop me a line when you're back in the country._

_Jackie _

* * *

><p><strong>AN Hopefully I won't receive any hate mail! I did warn you at the beginning that it would be a somewhat emotional story! There were lots of guesses as to what had gone/was going on, but nobody really got close. Please R&R!**


	5. Chapter 5: The Revelation part 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5: The Revelation part 2<strong>

_E-mail, 15__th__ August 2035_

_Honey,_

_HELP! I really need your advice. As you know I met Rob Francis today. I'm on my way back now but he dropped a bombshell on me and I don't know how I should tell Dad. Molly has leukaemia and it's pretty advanced. She's dying. Unless she gets a bone marrow donor PDQ; and they've been trying for nearly four years._

_Rob told me that Molly wasn't sure whether to make contact with Dad again since she didn't think it was fair to him to find her and lose her again, but that she wanted to see him. He left the ball in our court. How should I tell Dad? Obviously I have to go and see him personally (I can't tell him by phone or e-mail), but he will be expecting a text or e-mail from me and if he doesn't get one he'll worry. HELP!_

_Love you (and could really do with a hug right now)_

_Sam/x_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 16<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Sam,_

_I don't know what to say. I was up all night, as you know, and haven't been able to think about anything else today. Thank you for coming here to tell me yourself, and staying with me. To say that I was heartbroken by the news is an understatement. I thought we would have more time. But it sounds like time is the one thing we haven't got._

_But if it's a precious commodity I don't want to waste it Sam. Please can you contact Rob and tell him I'd like to see him as soon as he is able, and I'd like to see Molly ASAP. I want to be there for her, like she was there for me when I was injured. I will take some time off work. It's not like I've taken any holidays for the past 13 years!_

_Also, you mentioned bone marrow transplants. I think I should be checked. I remember from Afghan that Molly and I had the same blood type; it's the most common one, but you never know. If there's even the tiniest chance that I could do anything then it's worth it. Maybe Rob might be able to help out with organising that. I will ask him when I see him._

_Looking forward to hearing from Rob, and thanks again._

_Dad_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 17<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dangles,_

_I'm gonna see him next week. He should come to see me on Sunday or Monday. He met with Rob yesterday. Robbie told me he liked him and that Charlie was really supportive and asked if he needed any help. That is _**so**_ Charles James. I had a little cry about the man who should have been my son's father (if it wasn't for his interfering bitch of a mother) comforting my son. _

_I hope he's not angry with me. It must be a difficult thing for him. He told Rob he didn't want to waste any more time. Maybe he will be here when you are here. When _are_ you here again?_

_Mols_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 17<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Mols,_

_We might see each other. Dawn and I are arriving on Tuesday and we'll try to get to the hospital on that day. Reckon you might gonna need some support (hope you liked what I did there!)._

_Dangles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 17<em>_th__ August 2035_

_You're a cheeky bastard and you might gonna need a kick up the backside! I'll ask my son to do it. Despite the fact he worships the ground you walk on I'm still more scary than you are!_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 17<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Mols,_

_You should watch it. You know I'm a trained killer! Not that I'd hurt a hair on his head._

_D_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 17<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Charles,_

_Thank you so much for your offer. It's a long shot but I had a word with Mum's specialist and he said that he could get you, Sam and Helen tested tomorrow morning if you're able to come into the hospital. If you can't make it, he can fit you in on Monday. It's just a simple blood test at the beginning and shouldn't be too intrusive. That might work out well because you could go up and see my mother and Sam could be there to support you afterwards._

_I have to warn you that it'll be a couple of days by then since she had a transfusion so she may be very tired and she often doesn't track well when she's tired so don't be surprised if she's confused. She may even be asleep._

_I also have to warn you, as discussed, that she does not look good. Even though the woman that you loved is still there inside her, as she says herself, the outside could do with a makeover! _

_I hope you can make it on Saturday and thanks again for your offer – it means a lot. As we agreed, we will keep it between us unless something good comes of it._

_Rob_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 18<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Robbie,_

_Just woken up from a nap and I swear I imagined Charles was here. I heard his voice in my dream and it made me feel so relaxed, so loved._

_I must be going nuts._

_Mum/xxx_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 18<em>_th__ August 2035_

_My dear Molly,_

_I know I was supposed to visit you on Sunday or Monday but I was in the area and so I popped over to the hospital today. Rob was around and kindly brought me to your bedside, only for us to find that you were asleep._

_You looked so peaceful and at ease and I was pleased, but also sad not to have a chance to talk to you. Rob has kindly agreed to forward my e-mail to you._

_I wanted, and want, to say many things to you, but I think the most important ones are that I'm sorry my mother was such a bitch, and above all I'm sorry I didn't fight harder for "us". _

_I try not to think very much about that time these days, but since the possibility of seeing you again came up I have been thinking more and more about it. It's easy to say now that I should have fought harder for "us" but it was such a difficult time. I had lost the Army, which was all I had wanted to do in my life, and I had also lost a lot of movement in my leg. I hadn't realised until then how much my self-image was based on my being physically fit. I also had so much regret welling under from that tour. I know you blamed yourself for Smurf dying but __**I**__ also blamed __**myself**__. I allowed myself to lose control and lose focus. When I think about it now I see that I was barely hanging on, and when you told me you were breaking up with me, it all broke down. I should have shouted you down and told you that everything would be OK. But when you came to me with your doubts and your resolve to break up I just accepted it. I understand now that your doubts only came about because of that conversation with my mother and I don't think I will ever forgive her, either for that conversation, or not having the guts to say something to me later so that I could speak to you sooner._

_Having said that, I am delighted that you had a good life. That you had Rob, who I think is a wonderful young man, that you went to medical school and got a degree (which I always thought you could do) and that you became a doctor. If I had any right to say I was proud of you I would. Because you have done what you always do and beaten a system that was stacked against you. But unfortunately I don't have that right. I let it go away and I will always regret that. _

_I've never loved anyone as much as you Molly and I know that we may not have too much time, but I wondered whether it would be OK if we spent some of the time we have remaining with each other? Even being in the same room as you sleeping I felt more alive than I have in nearly 20 years. I'm not the man I was 20 years ago Molly. The truth is I'm only a shell of him. Pretty sad really. But when I was with you I felt that I could be him again. And I liked that feeling._

_I will visit again tomorrow and hope to find you awake._

_Love _

_Charles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 19<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Sam,_

_This time she was awake! It was totally different to see her with her eyes open. They are still as special as I remember them. A beautiful green colour with brown flecks. And so expressive. When I knocked and walked through the door they widened, and then this beautiful expression of longing came onto her face. I was so pleased because I worried that she'd be angry with me. I went straight over and took her hand and kissed it, like I had on our first date. To hold her hand felt so right._

_We talked for hours. She fell asleep a few times but I waited. She told me that she loved me and that she forgave me for not fighting for us and that she forgave me for having a mother who was a bitch from Hell. She said that she didn't forgive me for falling apart and that I needed to pull myself together and be the man I could be. I told her I wasn't sure it was possible any more and with a flash of pure Molly she told me she'd kick my arse if I didn't pull myself together. I told her I'd look forward to that. Then she asked me to forgive her. I told her there was nothing to forgive._

_She asked what I wanted and I told her just to be with her. Just to be her friend for now. Everything else is negotiable. She was fading fast but she told me "I'd like that"._

_I'm going back to the hospital tomorrow in the afternoon to spend some time with her._

_Sam, thank you again for making this happen. You are the best son ever._

_Dad_

* * *

><p><strong>AN Wow – thanks for all the lovely reviews! Pleasant surprise to only get one negative review (so far) – thank you all! Bonus update for tonight – hope you enjoy it! The story is shaping up to be a bit longer than I initially indicated but won't go over 10 chapters. Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6: The New Hope

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: The New Hope<strong>

_E-mail, 20__th__ August 2035_

_Sam,_

_My blood results were positive. I am a potential donor. They have given me yours and Helen's results to bring over. We have scheduled more tests for me tomorrow. Dr Wilkins, Molly's specialist, says that time is of the essence. Even if I am a match, with the disease this far gone there is the possibility her body will still reject the donor marrow. But it's great news. Maybe__** I**__ will get to save __**her**__ life this time!_

_Dad/xxx_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 20<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Rob,_

_I don't want to get your hopes up, but both Sam and I have positive blood results. I am going to come in for further tests tomorrow and Sam will come in on Wednesday morning (the first time he can get away from work). Please __**don't**__ tell your Mum yet – it is too early and I don't want to disappoint her._

_I will be in to see her after my blood tests tomorrow. Hope you are doing well._

_Charles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 21<em>_st__ August 2035_

_Jackie,_

_You were right. We braced ourselves but we just weren't prepared for the physical deterioration since we last saw her. But mentally she was all there. Better than all there. Rob says she's been totally different since Charles first came to see her on Saturday. She was asleep at the time but he said that somehow she knew he was there. He's been in to see her every day since and Rob says it's like she's got a new lease of life!_

_Our Molly Dawes was back, and in our old words, she proper rinsed me when I suggested she had a rest! I bumped into Bella on the way out and she said that the Bossman visiting her has taken a bit of responsibility off Rob. I didn't see Charles today, but I'll be there for longer tomorrow so hopefully I'll see him. Hopefully he's better as well. Brains and the others painted a pretty bad picture of him._

_I'll keep you up to date with developments._

_Give my love to Neil and the kids_

_Dangles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 22<em>_nd__ August 2035_

_Dear Molly,_

_I just wanted to drop you a quick e-mail to thank you for agreeing to meet my father, and for forgiving him. Your opinion is so important to him and he is literally a changed man since he was able to talk to you. For the first time in a long time I can see glimpses of the old Charles James in my father. He is genuinely enthusiastic, he smiles, he is happy, even when he doesn't know I am watching him. Seeing him try to appear happy and enthusiastic for me when I was young was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to see. Your presence and acceptance alone has done that to him. Thank you so much. I also wanted you to know that if the worst does happen we will all be there for Rob. He will have his family and your close friends but he will also always have the James clan as well._

_All my love_

_Sam_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 22<em>_nd__ August 2035_

_Thank you Sammy, for what you said about Charlie, and what you said about Rob as well. It is my greatest wish that he be taken care of. He has been through a lot, seeing me deteriorate over the past four years. He has been fantastic. But even though I tried to give him the best childhood possible, like me he is now old before his time, so I have failed in that. But to know that he has a loving network around him when I go means a lot. Thank you. And Charlie told me what you did. Thank you also for bringing him back to me. He is not the only one who feels different. I feel so much more alive as well, which is strange since I am dying! Maybe we might get another miracle. I feel I have already had one with Charlie coming back to me. I don't want to be greedy but I think I deserve another – that would be three in my life!_

_Molly_

* * *

><p><em>Text, 23<em>_rd__ August 2035_

_Rob please call me ASAP. Good News!_

_Charles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 23<em>_rd__ August 2035_

_Sam,_

_I AM A MATCH! Dr Wilkins called to tell me this evening. They will start the conditioning on Molly tomorrow and I am going in with Rob and Dr Wilkins to tell her in the morning. The conditioning normally takes between four and seven days but they are doing a specialised program for Molly because of her physical condition. The program will take four days and then the transplant will take place 36 hours afterwards. _

_Dr Wilkins explained that during the conditioning they are trying to suppress the immune system so there is a greater than normal possibility of infection. They are shifting her to a sterile room and will cut visitors to only essentials like Rob. He insisted that I be added to the roster. We will need to be in scrubs and wear masks to go in._

_Oh God, I hope her body doesn't reject me. That would just be the last straw. Here's praying._

_Dad_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 24<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Jackie,_

_Amazing news! They found a bone marrow donor, and you'll never believe who it is – Charles James! Rob had texted me to be in Molly's room for some exciting news this morning. When I walked in, Bella was there already and the Boss and Rob walked in a few minutes later, thick as thieves. _

_Molly picked up that something was strange immediately. She looked round all of us and asked, "Did my will reading get brought forward and no-one told me?" Even for Molly that cut a bit close and we all looked at each other. Rob in particular was absolutely dumbstruck, and Charles pulled him into a hug and shot a glare at Molly that would peel paint. If it hadn't been so horrible it would have been hilarious - Dawesy was out-Dawesied! She looked down apologetically and mumbled "Sorry Robbie"._

_Just then Dr Wilkins walked in. I think he was a bit surprised by the general body language and atmosphere but he carried on. He just looked at Molly and told her, "Molly, a matching bone marrow donor has come forward. If you agree we can start prep for conditioning straight away." I could tell straightaway that it was new news to three of us in the room. Bella and I shared a look of amazement with Molly. "Who?" was the question on all of our lips._

_Interestingly two people in the room didn't look surprised. Charles was still talking quietly to Rob. Dr Wilkins told us, "I'm afraid that I can't reveal that due to data protection laws, but I can tell you that the person who will donate the tissue knows who it's for and came forward to be tested when they heard about your condition."_

_That confirmed it for me. I asked, "It's you, Bossman?" and he smiled sheepishly at me, and turned to look at Molly, "Now I've got the chance to return the compliment Dawesy" he told her. It was one of those amazing, emotional moments. She just stared at him with her eyes welling up. I've always thought she has amazing eyes but I've never seen them look so expressive as in that moment. There was so much love in both of their eyes. It felt wrong to intrude in their personal moment, but we were all there._

_Rob was the one that broke the spell. They'd stared at each other for about a minute. We all were crying at the intensity of it. Rob asked, "What do you mean "return the compliment" Charles?" Charles looked at Molly incredulously and turned back to Rob, "You mean she's never told you she saved my life in Afghanistan?" Rob shook his head and Charles gave one of those rueful half smiles he used to do and muttered, "Figures." And turned round to glare at Molly. She looked like the rabbit caught in the headlights and told him, "It never came up!"_

_Everything dissolved into a bit of a free-for-all after that and now we've been kicked out so that they can get on with the conditioning. She's going to be effectively in isolation for the next 14 days. As you know they need to suppress the immune system before the procedure and then for 7 days afterwards there is a large risk of infection. Only Charles and Rob can go in, but the rest of us can speak to her via Skype so I'm thinking it might be a good time to come and see you and catch up with the rest of my friends and family. Then I can come back down here when I can get in to see her again._

_It's pretty exciting though. When I took this time off I thought it would be to be with Molly while she died. Now there's a chance that she could make a full recovery. Fingers and toes crossed. Speak to you soon._

_Dangles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 24<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Rob,_

_As I write this they are just preparing me for conditioning. It's kind of the elephant in the room but we all know that with my body this weak there is a possibility that the conditioning may kill me. Please know that you are the most important thing in my life. If I do not survive I don't want you to blame yourself. I want to thank you and Sam for bringing Charles back into my life as well. Seeing him again over the past week has been so fantastic and I think has brought both of us some closure. I now have hope and another reason to live and I hope I get the chance, but if I don't please know that you have been the best thing that happened in my life. I know your childhood was difficult but I always did my best and I think we had as good a time as possible. I love you so much. Your aunt Bella has a letter from me if the worst happens but it's a bit out of date and I wanted to update it a bit. If I do die now I want you to have a happy life. Do what you want but BE HAPPY._

_I love you so much_

_Mum/xxx_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 26<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dangles,_

_Just an update. The conditioning has been tough for her. She has developed terrible mouth ulcers and skin rashes and she is shattered and nauseous most of the time she is awake, but she is fighting hard. You know what she's like. They have scheduled the procedure for the evening of Wednesday, 29__th__ August. I will, of course, keep you up to date with what's going on. I know you're busy with family commitments but if you could spare the time to call Rob that would be great. He is having a hard time at the moment, particularly in the evenings. He is staying with Bella and we are trying to not leave him alone when possible. I know he looks up to you and would appreciate a call._

_Thanks_

_Charles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 29<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Sam,_

_It's done. Looking forward to seeing you later. As they pushed the needle into my hip I was just concentrating on how much I love her. I know it's not scientific but hopefully it makes a difference._

_Dad/xxx_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 30<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Dangles,_

_The specialists tell me that initial signs are good. She is in full isolation for the next few days. We can communicate by video screen but that's it. Fingers crossed._

_Charles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 30<em>_th__ August 2035_

_Charlie,_

_I'm missing you being here with me, wiping your lunch on my hand! Thanks for making sure that Rob is taken care of. Bella tells me you've been a star. I don't know if I am imagining it but I like to believe that I can feel your love moving round my body. I feel cocooned by it. I am warm for what feels like the first time in ages. The doctors say that is a good sign. I'm looking forward to seeing you in the flesh in a few days' time. To touching you. I am so pleased to have got to this stage. Here's hoping._

_Love_

_Molly _

* * *

><p><strong>AN 1 Thanks for the amazing reviews – they are really keeping me going. I know it's harrowing to read but it's twice as hard to write! No apologies for just about nicking the subtitle to the original Star Wars film for my subtitle! Please review.**

**A/N 2 Sorry to disappoint the reviewers who asked me not to end the story with a funeral, but it does….the question is, when?**


	7. Chapter 7: The Recovery part 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7: The Recovery part 1<strong>

_E-mail, 2__nd__ September 2035_

_Charles,_

_When I was leaving this evening Dr Wilkins told me that they are very happy with Mum's progress and that we can go in and visit her from tomorrow as long as we wear scrubs. Just you and me for the time being. No skin to skin contact yet though. I'm hoping to get there about 10am tomorrow. Will you be able to make it?_

_Rob_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 2<em>_nd__ September 2035_

_Rob, wild horses couldn't drag me away. See you then. Charles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 3<em>_rd__ September 2035_

_My dearest Charlie,_

_I just wanted to let you know what it meant to me to see you there supporting Rob and I today. I was knackered and very emotional and couldn't really put my thoughts into words, but it is something I only dreamed of before now. I couldn't see much of you over the scrubs but to see your beautiful brown eyes looking at me with so much love meant everything to me. I hope to see more of them in the future._

_Molly/xxx_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 7<em>_th__ September 2035_

_Mols,_

_Bossman tells me that you might be ready to get off your bony arse and receive visitors soon, so Dawn and I are finishing up our UK tour and will be back to see you around the middle of next week. Dawn just read what I've written over my shoulder and pointed out that Charles didn't describe your arse as bony, just so I don't get him in trouble. He said "lazy"._

_See you soon._

_Dangles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 7<em>_th__ September 2035_

_You cheeky bugger! I'll have you know that my arse is very attractive. Or it was the last time I saw it. Which admittedly was some time ago. You'd be bony as well if you couldn't hold down a meal for 6 months. Once I've got better I'm going to whup __**your**__ arse. And I'm not going to put you back together this time! Loser!_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 7<em>_th__ September 2035_

_I should quit while I'm ahead, but I'm kind of in tears just now. That's the first time you've talked about __**once you're better**__ in a year. Long may it continue._

_D._

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 12<em>_th__ September 2035_

_Jackie,_

_I don't want to jinx the situation but she's definitely better. It is two weeks now and the doctors say there's no sign of rejection. If she can go another two weeks it'll be great. You've got to come down and see her. She looks totally different. There's colour in her cheeks. When she's awake her eyes are bright again. Her sense of humour never left, but it's gentler now, less angry. She still sleeps a lot. When Charles is there he sits by the side of her bed in full scrubs just holding her hand (he wears gloves). It's so sweet. I was let in today and I also had to wear scrubs, but it was worth it to see the improvement. When she was awake she was back to the old Molly. _

_Rob is like all his Christmases have come at once. I reckon I'm losing my favourite uncle status to the Bossman. But I can handle it. Bella says that Charles is always there for Rob (almost like a father) and that Sam is like an older brother to him. I'm pleased – they're finally getting a crack at the relationship they always should have had. Hope you can make it down soon._

_Dangles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 22<em>_nd__ September 2035_

_Bels,_

_I'm out of the protective environment. They're still asking people to wear surgical masks when they come to see me but I can have skin to skin contact. The first time that Charlie took my hand in his I swear I could feel electricity pass between us. Then he kissed it. Feeling his lips against my hand was just something else, I can't describe it. Now I just can't wait to feel his lips on mine. Unfortunately I'll have to wait a bit longer for that._

_Sorry to get all hot and heavy, but it's over a month now since he came back into my life and we haven't had one kiss. It's like being back in Afghanistan! Hopefully this time when he kisses me though it won't all go down the crapper! _

_They said that if all continues to go well, given the recovery I am making, that I can go home within 3-6 weeks. Charlie and Rob have already talked about this between themselves (and apparently with you as well) and they tell me that Charlie will move in to the house to live with us. We were gonna move in together before the bitch split us up so I spose almost exactly 21 years later isn't so bad! It turns out that Charlie is apparently a great cook (so Rob says) and he reckons he's gonna concentrate on fattening me up – sounds fun!_

_I spose when I get back I'll also have to think about applying for jobs again. With the risk of infection there's no way I can go back to A&E, and General Practice would also be out. Mind you, that isn't a priority – it will be at least 6 months until I'm well enough to even think about working._

_Looking forward to seeing you and the boys._

_Mols_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 24<em>_th__ September 2035_

_Jackie,_

_It's nice to be back in Dubai – the weather is pretty toasty but it's better than dull and dreary London. I can't believe the change in our girl in only a few weeks. Physically she looks about 1000% better but mentally she is totally different. _

_I didn't realise until I saw her recently how negative she had got. She is totally different now and has to be seen to be believed. I'm sorry she wasn't in the best of states that day you came down, but that was very much an aberration. She is happy, interested in what's going on around her and engaged. She asked about my work, she asks about Charles' job and is interested by the answers and volunteers advice on things she feels qualified to (and things she isn't – you know Mols!). She swears at the TV when they're talking about NHS cuts and takes the piss out of politicians – the change is amazing. And rather fantastic._

_When Dawn and I left here we thought Molly would be dead when we came back, now she looks like she's going from strength to strength. And all that's down to Charles. He physically saved her life but he's also given her so much hope. And she seems to have restored his hope as well. It's great to see them together Jackie. Here's hoping we see much more of it._

_Dangles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 12<em>_th__ October 2035_

_Dangles,_

_I'm home! I'm sitting here in my own bed. It's great for two reasons: Firstly I'm not looking up at a ceiling (I've got pretty bored with ceilings during my time in hospital; I think I'm gonna learn to sleep on my side in future so I don't have to wake up to the ceiling!); and secondly I'm IN MY OWN BED. I never thought I'd live to come back here. To be here is amazing._

_Charlie carried me into the house and up the stairs. He treats me like the most fragile porcelain. I don't know whether to be happy or annoyed with him! He and Rob have been working on the house for days. It's filled with banners and balloons and welcome home cards from everyone I've ever met (don't think I missed your very rude one – I'm just plotting my retaliation!) and probably some people I haven't. Lots of people have sent photos and notes and Charlie is talking about putting them into an album or a scrap book for me._

_Charlie told me when he picked me up that he's looking forward to fattening me up. I must say I can't wait to taste his magnificent cooking that everyone's talking about. I hope it's up to scratch! _

_It's difficult though – it's so wet and windy outside and so cold that I won't be able to go outside and with winter coming up I may not be able to go outside for months with the fear of catching a cold. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Anyway, no complaints for the time being, just enjoying being here with my two favourite boys (no offence mate but you're third!)_

_Mols_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 13<em>_th__ October 2035_

_Bels,_

_I reckon he's trying to kill me! Charlie introduced me to my physio, Jon Bright, today. He's apparently the dog's bollocks (he's worked at Stanford Hall and all). Apparently he owed Charlie a favour, and he's designing a program for me to take me back to full fitness over a period of 6-9 months. I can't thank Charlie enough for finding him, but after the session I felt like I wanted to die again and I certainly wanted to kill both Jon and Charlie!_

_I ended up sleeping for way longer than I wanted to on my second day at home. But I spose it's for the best._

_Mols_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 18<em>_th__ October 2035_

_Jackie,_

_It's pretty depressing here. It's great to be home but I can't go outside because it's too cold and wet and everyone's worried about me catching something (me included). And it's only gonna get worse. Charlie's being great. He's working from here most days and only has to go into town a couple of days a week and Bels comes over when he's not here. I still sleep a lot and Rob is with me every evening and Sam is around often as well, but not getting out is making me stir crazy._

_Charlie wants to take me to his family's villa in the South of France. He says that it's a lot warmer there and that I should be able to walk around outside. He's going to mention it to Geoff Wilkins and, if he says yes, he's going to try and hand over his day to day responsibilities to his deputy for the next few months. He really has been brilliant with me and I can't thank him enough._

_How are things with you?_

_Mols _

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 22<em>_nd__ October 2035_

_Jackie,_

_We are moving to the south of France! Geoff Wilkins gave it the OK but said I wouldn't be well enough to travel until the first week of November, so I only have to put up with this shit for a few more weeks._

_Actually it's not quite as bad as it was. Charlie has being trying to push the envelope on my behalf and asked Geoff if it was OK to take me driving and he agreed. Hence we go out every day for a change of scene. Charlie has the heating up so high in his car even I feel too hot and he always wraps me in about 12 layers! Charlie is normally sitting there in a T-shirt getting some very strange looks. He doesn't seem to mind and I certainly don't mind. To see real life going on it's worth it. He really is a wonderful man - to think about that and to do it for me is pretty amazing. When we get back he always carries me back into the house and puts me to bed. I feel so loved. It was so terrible to be apart for all those years but it's been worth the wait to find him again, I'm telling you._

_Great to hear about the boys, but you forgot to tell me about your work. Has that idiot boss been fired yet? You should definitely go for his job – you're more than qualified._

_Mols_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 30<em>_th__ October 2035_

_Dangles,_

_As you probably know, I'm taking Molly to the South of France for the next few months for her health. I know it's a bit early to start planning but it would be really great if she could have some of her nearest and dearest round her for her first Christmas out of hospital and I wondered if you and Dawn would be able to join us. I know it would mean a lot to Molly and Rob, and to me as well. I have asked Bella and Jackie as well. If you are able to, don't worry about accommodation – you can stay in one of the farm's gites. It has two bedrooms and a sauna, so I'm sure it won't feel too different from the Middle East (not from what I remember anyway!). It's a beautiful area we live in and we are within easy driving distance of Marseille, Avignon, Aix and the winelands of the Rhone valley so there will be plenty to do if you don't want to hang around with us all the time (and I can understand that you may not want to)._

_Hoping you can make it._

_Charles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 2<em>_nd__ November 2035_

_Charles,_

_Delighted to. Certainly better than spending the week in Birmingham! We'll discuss flights etc nearer the time. Can I tell Molly? Is it a surprise?_

_Dangles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 4<em>_th__ November 2035_

_Dangles,_

_Charlie told me you and Dawn are coming for Christmas. What a great surprise! I can't wait to spend my first Christmas out of hospital with you all. And in a swanky villa in the south of France as well. I wish my Nan had lived to see it. She would've been well chuffed._

_Life is better and I really can't wait to go to France. The weather is still shitty here but Charlie takes me out in the car every day he can which I really look forward to. When he's not here it really hurts! Rob was right about his cooking – it's the best! I'm piling on the pounds and he's starting to joke that he won't be able to pick me up soon – cheeky bastard! You'll get the chance to sample it at Christmas._

_Can't wait to see you both. Please tell me all your news._

_Mols/xxx_

* * *

><p><strong>AN 1 Stanford Hall is due to succeed Headley Court as the Armed Forces rehabilitation centre.**

**A/N 2 To the guest who asked what AU means, it means Alternate Universe which this piece is not strictly but since it is so far removed from the normal OG fiction I feel slightly justified marking it as that. I may or may not remove that label going forward.**

**A/N 3 Thanks SO MUCH for all the wonderful reviews. They certainly help me write. This fic will be 10 chapters including epilogue. Please keep reviewing!**


	8. Chapter 8: The Recovery part 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8: The Recovery part 2<strong>

_E-mail, 14__th__ November 2035_

_Jackie,_

_I can't believe my life. Three months ago I was lying in a bed in a manky hospital in London waiting to die and now I'm lying on a sunbed on a Summer's day in November(!) outside a beautiful farmhouse in the South of France, listening to the birds sing in the trees and the wind whistle through the vines. _

_I feel like a proper princess. Charlie pulled out all the stops to get me here. Would you believe that we came on a private jet?! He told me that he didn't want to take the risk of travelling commercial and me catching something, and that he thought it would be too tiring for me if we drove down. When I asked him about it (well complained that it was too much really!) he told me that he owed me 20 years of Christmas and birthday presents and, anyway, the pilot owed him a favour!_

_When we got here I couldn't believe it. The farm is huge and the farmhouse is built out of stone the way you see in those travel booklets and it's basically surrounded by vineyards. The farm area is a couple of acres and it's got a tennis court, fruit trees (with fresh apricots, peaches, cherries, olives) and a lake and even some ducks! And there's at least three outbuildings at the opposite end to the farmhouse which can be rented out as gites. It's got two swimming pools – one in a private area near the farmhouse for the family, and one in a public area that all the gites can use._

_Charlie had booked a car to take us to the airport and I smelt a rat about 30 minutes into the trip when we turned towards Aldershot instead of Heathrow. It's not like I don't know that part of the world pretty well! Turned out that the plane was leaving from Farnborough Airport. They treated me like royalty. I had my own seat with my own TV and Charlie carried me into the plane! They let us come up to the cockpit for 10 minutes during the flight so we could see what the pilots were doing. Rob was in cloud cuckoo land – asking questions about every little thing! Charlie told him that when __**he**__ grew up you could go into the cockpit on airliners and he had sat on a friend's father's knee driving a 747 across the Atlantic once. I think Rob was broken, but it was lovely to see one of his dreams fulfilled._

_When we landed Charlie had laid on a chauffeur-driven limousine and we all piled in and were driven here. I was pretty shattered by that time, but Charlie carried me into the house and upstairs, pointing out the chairlift he'd had installed for me for when I'm tired (and which I'm determined never to use even though I'm touched by the thought!), and settled me into bed. Later that day he showed me around the property and introduced me to Sylvia, the physiotherapist he's organised to come in to help me every day. That night he cooked us one of his amazing dinners (and he was right – the food does taste totally different out here)._

_I've had my first session of physio and I didn't like it very much but she's very good and her English is great. She's even offered to teach me some French, which'll come in handy I reckon. Charlie says that the village is walking distance and as I get better we should be able to walk there (and in fact he goes out for fresh bread every morning). I'll have to wear my mask at the beginning, obviously, but it's great to be able to be physically active again. Talking about physically active – we went for a walk in the grounds this morning – just for two minutes but it was so nice to be outside again. Looking forward to more of that._

_I thank God every day that Charlie came back into my life. I'm not religious (as you know!), but I could get to be I reckon! Looking forward to seeing you soon and hearing all your news._

_Mols_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 27<em>_th__ December 2035_

_Jackie,_

_You're going to be gutted you weren't here for Christmas! It was amazing. _

_Molly knew that Rob, Sam, Helen and their kids would be here, as well as us, and Bella and her family, but Charles had "neglected" to tell her that he had organised to fly the whole Dawes clan over for a few days as well! He told me that she loves it here but she misses her family something chronic and Christmas is a time for family after all. He arranged for them to stay in a gite down the road so that nobody could let the cat out of the bag, but apparently there were a few close calls with Bella's kids!_

_He helped Molly down the stairs on Christmas morning and we were all sitting there waiting for her. When she saw everyone there she just fell into Charles' arms. There were tears streaming down her face and she just cried "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!". It took her ages to get control again and she was really embarrassed. Belinda and Bella had to take the younger kids outside because you could tell they were a bit worried about her. But it was a great day. She sat at the head of the table and presided over lunch and pulled crackers and, looking at her, I couldn't believe that six months ago we thought she would be dead by now._

_But Charles saved the real fireworks for Boxing Day. He told me that he wanted her to have the perfect Christmas day and he didn't want to interfere with that memory, just in case. After lunch on Boxing Day he got down on his knees and asked her to marry him, in front of her whole family. We were all transfixed. He hadn't told anyone what he planned – not even Sam. She looked at him, stunned, then she gave him that great Dawesy glare and told him, "Do you even have to ask you numpty?"_

_It's been the best Christmas ever. Last year we faced the rest of our lives without Molly, now there is the chance that we can spend the rest of our lives __**with**__ her, and the best thing is that it's the old Molly, the fun Molly, the exciting Molly. I don't know about you, but I can't wait. I spoke to Dawn and we're considering moving back to the UK so that we can be closer to them and to all our friends and family. I think it's time that I settled down and took a safe job and we can think about kids._

_Hope you had a great Xmas, and talk soon._

_Dangles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 18<em>_th__ March 2036_

_Brains,_

_It was a lovely wedding. Sorry you couldn't make it mate. Just a registry office job and a small reception for friends and family at a hotel. His son was the best man and her son was the head usher. The bride looked radiant (Dawn's word, not mine) and was sporting lovely short brown hair (quite an accomplishment) and the groom looked pretty damn good as well. All of the boys were there except you and Baz, and Brig. Beck was also there. Candy Smith was there too with her husband and his kids – it was great to see her after so long. It was a great knees up for the old gang but with the new generation enjoying it as well. Apparently Rob is considering trying out for the RAF – he wants to fly. Molly has told him to do whatever he wants to. Can't say fairer than that. You were missed and it would be great to get all of the old section together at some point. Mols says she's going to get on it so God help us!_

_Dangles_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 10<em>_th__ June 2036_

_Ha ha, it worked Rob! I managed to pull one over on Dad, with the help of his secretary, Joy. As you know I was helping him with the interviews for the clinical director role. Dad asked me to help him since he wanted a second opinion, which I was really chuffed with since it gave me a chance to be there. We'd had three people in and they were all pretty crap and it got to 5pm (what my father still calls 17.00!) and Joy put her head round the door and said that there was one candidate left and were we ready for her? Dad turned to me and said "I haven't seen this CV – have you got it?" Just as the door opened, I handed him the CV and said, "Dr Molly James" just as she walked in. Joy, Molly and I were all pissing ourselves laughing at his reaction. His jaw just dropped open and he stared at your Mum (who looked really demure in skirt, shirt and jacket) and sort of croaked, "Molly?" _

_So I piped up, "She's a former Army combat medic who served two tours in Afghanistan, as well as Iraq and Sierra Leone, and rose to the rank of Sergeant. She's also a trained doctor with 13 years of medical experience. Added to which she's used to putting up with you and she's got you pretty well-trained. I reckon she's a shoe in." Then as he spluttered, I got up, offered my arm to Joy and we left them to it!_

_I got a text from him later, "Et tu, Brute?" but I also got one to say he loved me, even if I was an evil bastard, and that they had discussed it and agreed to give it a whirl. She was the best candidate for the job by miles so I don't have any issues with it and I think it will be great for them to work together again._

_Still on for that drink on Thursday?_

_Sam_

* * *

><p><em>E-mail, 29<em>_th__ August 2038_

_Sam,_

_I've thought about what you said, and I think you are right. Our centre is London (and the South of France, I suppose!) and, if you don't see yourself returning to live in Bath, now that Granddad has died, I think we should sell the house in Bath. _

_Even though it is where I grew up, my more recent memories of it are negative and every time I set foot inside it I feel as though someone walked on my grave! It reminds me too much of my mother and what she did. So I'll instruct an estate agent and we'll get it sold. I'd like to use some of the proceeds to set up educational trusts for your kids, but also for Rob and any kids he may have, if that is OK with you? I've spoken to Molly about it and after some "discussion" she has agreed. Is it OK with you? Just so you're aware – there will be plenty of proceeds to go around and plenty left over for Molly and I to have a comfortable life, and you to have a great inheritance! If you and Helen could come and visit it with us next weekend we can decide what furniture and stuff we want to keep, and the rest can be auctioned._

_Dad/xxx_

* * *

><p><em>Letter, 18<em>_th__ March 2045_

_Chairman of the Board of Trustees_

_Veteran's Aid_

_Dear Bruce,_

_Further to our conversation of 16__th__ March we would like to take this opportunity to tender Charles' and Molly's resignations as Chief Executive and Clinical Director of Veteran's Aid. Charles' association with the charity now exceeds 25 years and Molly has been involved for nearly 10 years, but neither of us is getting any younger, and we have decided that we would like to enjoy the rest of our years together in retirement._

_We both believe that we have left the charity in a better condition than when we started and that it is now time for the next generation to take it over. In the years since we have worked together the charity has grown to be a national organisation and is at the forefront of medical research and treatment of post traumatic stress disorder and several of the most common forms of arthritis associated with work in the Armed Forces._

_It has been our pleasure to work with you over these past years and we wish you and the organisation the best of luck for the future._

_Yours sincerely_

_Charles James, OBE QGM_

_Molly James, MC OBE_

**A/N 1 Only one chapter to go now, and an epilogue. Please review!**

**A/N 2 The story about going into the cockpit on a 747 is true. Unfortunately it can't happen these days, but I was lucky enough to experience it.**

**A/N 3 QGM stands for Queens Gallantry Medal. Charles was wearing that medal at Smurf's funeral and I assume he earned it for going back for Geraint. I assume as head of a major veteran's charity that he may get an OBE for doing a great job and I assumed that his Clinical Director may also get honoured. I believe that together, and with both their heads together, they could do great things.**

**A/N 4 Thanks to the guest reviewer who suggested I should try and publish on Amazon. Not sure I'm good enough for that! But your comments about my growing fluency are well-taken. It's taken me a while to develop a reasonable fiction style and when I look back at my early attempts, and _Captain's Log_ in particular, some of them are pretty cringe-making. I think there may be a re-write of certain parts of CL in my future!**


	9. Chapter 9: The End

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9: The End<strong>

"Charlie?" Charles James looked up from his desk as his wife's voice filtered up from the landing and into the study, "What're you up to?" she asked, arriving at the door and bustling into the room.

Just over 10 years on from when they had reunited there was scarcely a trace of the ravages that the leukaemia had wrought on her body. She was, to all intents and purposes, a fully fit, healthy fifty-odd year old woman. Her dark hair, with just a trace of grey in it, was cut shorter than when they had served together, but at a similar length to what he had seen in photos of her from when she worked at A&E, just a manageable shoulder length. Her body was normally proportioned again, very well proportioned, in his humble opinion! She had curves in all the right places and was a very good looking woman for her age, indeed any age.

The amount of walking that they did certainly helped her there. When they were at their second home in France they walked miles through the foothills and vineyards and, when they were at home in the UK, they enjoyed hillwalking with their friends. She, and he, had worked very hard to get her fitness and stamina back after her illness and they had managed to maintain it ever since.

That had been mostly at the weekends before, but now that they had retired he hoped they could do a lot more of it, and hopefully explore more of the world together as well. He was looking forward to growing old with the woman he had loved for over thirty years, but only re-discovered over the last ten. They had a lot of lost time to make up for but they had certainly done the best they could so far and he was deliriously happy.

Realising he was wool gathering he smiled at her apologetically and pointed at the scrap book on the desk, "I was just gluing our resignation letter in here," he told her, "now that chapter is completed and we can go on to the next."

"What _is_ that?" she asked, coming over to lay her hands on his shoulders and peer round his head. She was surprised as he stood up and indicated she should take his place, "It's our story," he told her, pushing her down to sit in his chair, "from the first letter to the last."

Interested, she turned to the page he was holding. He smiled gently, "I know you like to read the end first, but you should start at the beginning!" Then he flicked the front open and she saw there a crumpled letter written in a shaky hand. _My dearest Charles_ it started. She looked at him, shocked, "Is that?-"

He nodded, "Yes, that's the letter that started it." Then he gestured for her to continue and took himself over to sit on the sofa, where he snagged a dog-eared book of poetry. She turned round and gave the scrapbook her full attention. She had heard about this letter, but never read it before.

It had taken many years for Charles and her to come to terms with his mother's behaviour. Finally last year, for the first time since his father died, they had visited his parents' grave. As a mother herself she understood his mother's urge but she had found it difficult, as he had, to come to terms not only with her decision to interfere, but also to do nothing - even after she realised how much pain she had caused. Finally they decided that they could, if not forgive her, at least accept her behaviour. At least enough to visit his father from time to time.

Molly turned her full attention back to the letter. _Now's as good a time as any_, she thought.

- OG - OG - OG - OG -

Charles jerked up as Molly rose from the chair behind the desk. He had got lost in the book he was reading. That seemed to happen more often these days. He checked his watch; it was only an hour. He looked at his wife, only to spring to his feet – tears were running down her face. He ran to her and held her. He wasn't surprised; it often reduced him to tears – sad tears at the beginning, but happy tears at the end. "Oh Charlie," she gasped, "it's so lovely. Thank you for putting that together. Making the different chapters, getting all the different letters and e-mails."

"It's fine," he told her, hugging her tightly, hands massaging the back of her head under her hair, "It's nice to see how far we've come."

"It is," she agreed, "but there's one e-mail missing." She told him, surprising him, "let me go and get it." She told him, leaving him standing there, surprised. He heard her bustling downstairs and assumed she had gone for her laptop as the printer in the room started to whir, and then disgorged a sheet of paper. Just as he moved to pick it up, Molly walked back into the room and picked it up. Turning to him he could see that she still had tears in her eyes. Although maybe they were fresh tears as her eyes now looked quite moist. He reached up and gently dabbed her tears away with his thumbs, like he had all those years ago at Bastion.

She smiled sadly at him, remembering. "This is an e-mail I wrote for you on the day I found out that you were the bone marrow donor that might save my life. I never sent it, but I think you should put it in here, anyway. For completeness."

She handed it to him. "I'll be downstairs, when you're finished. I want us to start working on hotels for our trip to Australia," she told him, smiling sadly, sniffling and leaving him to it.

He found the right page in the scrapbook, then put the glue on and pasted the sheet in. Then he thought he'd better read it. He was pleased he had.

- OG - OG - OG - OG -

_E-mail, 24__th__ August 2035_

_My Dearest Charlie,_

_Today is the day that I found out that you are a potential bone marrow donor for me. When I saw you looking at me across the room I think I knew straight away that you were the one. I don't know if I'm going mad, but sometimes I think I can see your love for me spilling out of you. I feel the same way about you._

_I wanted to write this letter to you because, even though no one wants to talk about it, with my body this weak, there is a material risk that I will die during the conditioning process. I'm a doctor, I should know. I wanted you to have something that explained how I felt about you and why I acted as I did._

_When you asked me to forgive you for not fighting for us I forgave you, but I wasn't able to verbalise what I wanted you to forgive me for even though you gave me a kind of blanket forgiveness. I was touched by that but there are things you should know and I'm the only person left alive who can tell you them._

_While I would like to blame your mother for breaking us up, her diatribe (see? I've learnt some good words in the last 20 years, but I digress!) against me only highlighted things I was already worried about. When we were on tour everything seemed possible but when we got back and we had that date in Bath and I saw how you lived I was really worried that it was a totally different world. You reassured me, but I'm conscious that you never saw my home and I don't think you understood the magnitude of the social differences we would have had to contend with. I also worried I would pull you back with my upbringing and my lack of intelligence. You reassured me that it wouldn't be a problem, and that you felt I was intelligent, just uneducated. As it happens, you were right – but don't you go getting a big head Charlie!_

_What I am trying to say is that, even though your mother was a bitch (there's no denying that) she didn't bring up anything that I wasn't already worrying about. When I got back home and thought about what she'd said in the cold light of day I concluded that she was right and I would pull you back and I had to end it, for your well-being. You told me that your mother said that she'd done the wrong thing for the right reasons. Well, I did too. I love you and I wanted what was best for you, so I ended it._

_We've talked many times about whether we would have fought harder for one another if we weren't quite so fragged, and the answer is – I don't know, and I don't think you do either. We both hope so. But we will never know._

_I was so sorry to hear from Sam, and from you, that the last 20 years have been so hard for you. I never would have wanted that for you. In fact I wanted anything but that for you. As we've discussed it's also been difficult for me, but Rob made sure that I stayed engaged and he's been a Godsend – the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. I'm sure you understand being pushed down to second place! But it's a very close second._

_Since you came back into my life I have felt something I haven't felt for 20 years – your love. But I also feel something that I haven't felt for __**4 years**__ – hope. I feel young again, in a way I haven't in a long time. I want you to know that whether I live or die, you brought that back to my life Charles James and, if I die in conditioning or in early stage rejection, I don't want you to blame yourself. If you hadn't come along it was only a matter of months anyway, maybe only weeks, no matter how hard I fought it. _

_I want you to know that if you do go all maudlin and start blaming yourself I'm going to find a way to kick your arse for the rest of your life. I want you to pull yourself together and have a happy life. I want you to go out there and start meeting people, building friendships again. Be the man you used to be and you have been over the past week. You are a lovely man and maybe there isn't another "me" out there for you (but maybe there is too), but there are lots of people who want to be your friends, and you need to let them. For you, but especially for Sam who doesn't want to have to be supporting you all your life._

_I'll leave it here. I just wanted to tell you that I have only ever loved two men in my life, you and my son. You were the first man I ever loved, and the only man I have ever made love to (by your definition). You are a very special man. If I don't survive, you need to go out and show the world that._

_With my love for ever,_

_Your Molly x_

* * *

><p><strong>AN 1 This is the last chapter of the story, although there ****_will_**** be an epilogue. **

**A/N 2 For Charles' definition of making love, see chapter 8 of ****_Captain's Log_****, the entry for 22 May 2014 (if you can bear to fight your way through the smut!).**

**A/N 3 Please review if you get a chance - there has been a big drop off in reviews for the past two chapters...**


	10. Chapter 10: Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Our Girl. Everything you recognise was created by Tony Grounds and is owned by the BBC.**

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

_Letter, 11__th__ August 2074_

_My Dearest Molly,_

_I'm not really sure how to write this letter to you my darling, knowing that it will be my last letter to you. As I lay here with the life slowly trickling out of me I reflect back on our life together and I can only be happy with the life I have led. We have had nearly forty wonderful years together. If you count our time in Afghanistan, then it __**is**__ 40. Looking back on myself as I was 40 years ago, I would have taken that. Hell, I would have taken 1 year, or even 1 month._

_I know you are disappointed with me that I chose not to have chemotherapy, but the issue is Molly that I am tired, and I am not as brave as you. I wanted to live my life out and die under my own terms. By not having chemo we got an extra six months to enjoy ourselves - spending time at all the places and with all the people we love. If I had had the chemo then we would not have been able to do that, and I __**wanted**__ that time together._

_Molly, I am hard-pressed to describe what re-discovering you has meant to me. For those twenty years that we were apart I felt that I was in purgatory. I was unable to move on with my life, always regretting letting you go and knowing no-one like you would come into my life again. When Sam managed to re-discover you I was so excited. That first time I saw you, even though there was a material risk you could die in the near future, I felt rejuvenated, and that feeling has never gone away. _

_Throughout the following 40 years we have spent so much time together and it has been brilliant. We have worked together and walked together and laughed together and talked together and, very occasionally, argued together, and made love together. You have loved my family – Sam and Helen and their brood, and I have loved yours, Rob and his kids, and your siblings and nieces and nephews. So much so that we are now one family. My only regret is that we found each other too late to have children together, but given the two wonderful young men we already had, I can't complain too much._

_While there are many reasons that I love you, I wanted you to understand what it was about you in the first place that first made me love you. I admired you. _

_And I still admire you. So much. I have been lucky in my life to come from the middle class and be relatively well off. I could always do what I wanted. I never had to fight too hard for it. But you have had to work for what you wanted every step of the way. Whether it was getting away from your parents, joining the army, becoming a medic, re-inventing yourself after we split up, bringing up your son without a father, putting yourself through medical school, or fighting leukaemia, you always fought for yourself and, most importantly, for those around you. That is what I came to love about you, not only that you are feisty, strong, that you work hard, but also that beautiful empathy that you have for everybody around you. It was your relationship with Bashira that made me sit up and think about what we were doing in Afghanistan. The fact that you were willing to risk your life for a scared little girl that made me re-examine who __**I**__ was and what __**I**__ was doing. _

_As we have gone through our life together, it is your emotional strength and your empathy that I have held onto. They are the core of you Molly, and what make you such a special person._

_I am so proud to call you my wife, but also to call you my best friend. It was a rocky road but we got there in the end and the last 40 years have been wonderful. There isn't a moment of growing old with you that I haven't enjoyed. But all things end, Molly. And my end is now. I have known for some time that this day is coming. We have been very lucky that we have stayed mobile almost to the end, but the problems with my hips and my knees over the past two years have certainly impacted our quality of life and the cancer is the last straw. It has spread so widely that it is unlikely that chemotherapy can help me and I decided that I wanted to enjoy the last 6 months as we have enjoyed the last 40 years, on our own terms._

_Being in the Army, we know that Death comes to all of us eventually. We have been lucky that we have led long and mostly happy lives, unlike many of our friends and comrades whose lives were cut tragically short, and that we've had a long time to enjoy each other. It is my greatest wish that you go on now and enjoy the rest of your life without me. That you enjoy our children and our grandchildren and our great grandchildren. That you spend time with our friends. And let all of them know that we loved and love them. _

_Please remember that I will always be with you. A part of me is inside you. Remember that I loved you and will always love you, and that I and those others that love you - your Grandmother, your parents, Smurf, Qaseem, Candy and Jackie will be waiting for you when your time comes. But don't hurry Molly – come in your own time, like you always have!_

_Loving you always,_

_Your Charlie/xxx_

- OG - OG - OG - OG -

Sam James tried to prevent the tears streaming down his cheeks from dropping onto the dog-eared letter in front of him. Molly had carried his father's last letter on her body for every day of the rest of her life, six years, during which she had obeyed his last orders to her to get out and have a good time. As she lay dying, surrounded by her loved ones, she had told him that she read it every day, before taking it out of the pouch that hung around her neck for the last time and giving it to him with shaking hands, with strict instructions on what to do next. She had died later that day, but he had been so overcome with grief that he had been unable to carry out her instructions until now, three days later.

Now, he opened the scrap book that he had brought from her flat, the one that she had shared with his father in the last few years of his life, and flipped over to the last page, which was empty, and carefully glued the letter in, being careful to get it perfectly square. The scrapbook was entitled "A life in letters" but his father had graffitied it into "Half a life in letters". He smiled sadly; his father had always had a dry sense of humour. His last letter to Molly had been lovely. He had written a similar letter to Sam himself, and to Rob, and he knew that both of them kept their own letters in a safe place and looked at them often. His father had had a beautiful way with words.

He looked up and saw his wife Helen smiling sadly at him from the door. He returned her smile through his tears, wondering whether to put the second letter which lay on the desk into the scrap book as well. He had been thinking about this ever since he had received the letter and read through the scrap book. _No_, he thought, _this is for me_.

Decision made, he closed the scrap book and pushed it into a shelf on his desk. He thought he would probably come back to it many times, as Molly and his father clearly had, and he would certainly tell Rob about it when he was ready, just in case he wanted to read it. Then he picked up the other letter, kissed it gently and tucked it into his desk drawer along with many of his other treasured letters. He rose from the desk, crossed to Helen, took her hand and they left the study, turning off the light.

In the desk drawer sat his final letter from Molly, with all the other important letters and e-mails she, his father, Helen and his children had sent to him over the years.

- OG - OG - OG - OG -

_Letter, 23__rd__ September 2080_

_My dear Sammy,_

_You know, I still remember the first time I met you – I don't know if you do too? It was when your father was in hospital after coming back from Afghanistan. You were an enthusiastic, happy young boy who was excited that the doctor hadn't rubbed his message off his Daddy's arm._

_Little did I know at that meeting how important you would become to me in later years or what a massive impact you would have on my life. Your father told me that it was you that encouraged him to look for me after he received his mother's letter, you who bullied and cajoled him to keep going, and you who came up with the idea of advertising in the local papers._

_Sammy, I can only thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. In his letter to me your father described the 20 years when we were apart as purgatory. It was just as difficult for me. To not only re-discover your father, but to get you and Helen and your lovely children into the bargain as well has been so wonderful. Not just for me but for Rob as well, who has gained a friend, confidant and a true elder brother._

_I had 40 years with your father that I would not have had otherwise. In fact, if you hadn't found me I would not have had those 40 years at all. But the 40 years weren't just with Charles, they were with all of you. There are so many memories there that I treasure and they wouldn't exist if it wasn't for you._

_I'm not going to deny that the last 6 years have been difficult without your father, but he told me, and I believe, that he is still with me, the way I will still be with you and Rob when I am gone. I love you both so much and I am sorry to go, but looking forward to (hopefully) seeing all those who've gone before, and if they're not there then I won't know any better, will I?! I couldn't love you more Sammy if you were my own son and I hope you know that. I hope you have a wonderful life and I won't even ask you to look after Robbie, because I know you will anyway._

_Love always,_

_Molly/xxx_

THE END

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><p><strong>AN Thanks to all those who read and special thanks to all those who reviewed. This was quite difficult to write, so I hope I did OK. Please review if you get a chance.**


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